An expansive, manicured lawn in an uncharted suburb covered all in shadow
like the sun has just set or never existed there will incite a feeling of distance,
will ferment inside you inside your dream, the trees only pine and paper birch.
Beauty is symmetry is a lie, we said, eventually. But it’s the lie of the beholder,
someone answered. Loneliness can destroy the quality of sleep. At times, the
dream could more accurately be called a distance. Do you make facial
expressions in your dreams? You can’t tell. A mysterious sleeping sickness is
causing hundreds of people in a small town near a former Soviet Union uranium
mine to sleep for days and wake up with significant memory loss. The doctors
who have been flown in do not know why. They ruled out everything one by one
while we were crossing destinations off a dream map. We’ve agreed not to
appear in each other’s dreams. Inflammation, problems with learning and
memory are some of the illnesses caused by loneliness. You remember that
earlier in the dream, three dreams into the night’s long sequence of dreams, you
made someone cry, and you ran after them to make it right and chased them into
a crowd and lost them for the rest of the dream, which in the dream was the rest
of your life. Loneliness is as deadly as lack of exercise, as some terminal
illnesses. Do not let the open landscape of your dreams induce the terror of
possibility, the anticipation of openness unfolding into emptiness; the wide
corridors of a hospital are part of a therapeutic design to dissuade a fight-or-flight
response. Floor-to-ceiling windows and skylights help encourage adaption to
biological rhythms to accelerate healing. Walk into the open space and picture a
point beyond it that opens it further, a point beyond that, and so on until it opens
all the way and you find yourself on the other side, awake. You imagine every
sleeping person in that Soviet town trying to pinch themselves awake in their
dreams. You’ve heard of people trying to pinch themselves awake, but what
good would your dreamed hands be, validating your own momentary, muted,
dreamed skin?
Angie Mazakis's poems have appeared in The New Republic, Boston Review, Narrative Magazine, Best New Poets, New Ohio Review, Smartish Pace, Drunken Boat, Cimarron Review, and other journals.